A year of great losses in the animal kingdom.

The end of the year is nearing and I have been taking mental stock of the important events that have happened to me this year. 2011 has had some very interesting plot twist and left me feeling very optimistic for the year to come though there have some significant losses in the pet department. Most people who know me know I love the stink out of animals! I like them all, even the scary cranky ones. I want to save every stray and dress up every house cat. It seems so unfair when these little fur babies impact so many peoples lives that the loss of a pet can go unrecognized as a major game changer in some ones life. For this reason I have decided to commemorate some of this years losses with pet obituaries.

GAUGE CIPIRO

Gauge was a very good boy. Born in a trailer park on summer solstice on the wrong side of the tracks in Golden B.C., Gauger was more dog than that small town could handle. Purchased for a cool $20 by Hayley Cipiro, she instantly knew that this dog was going to change the world and that it was the best 20 she ever spent. Though Gauge never went on to cure cancer he did cure the sads and is to this day the best dog that ever lived. His fondness of garbage and curry was only surpassed by his love of sticks and Hayley. He had no enemies but an unexplained resentment towards ground squirrels and people in wheel chairs. Of Gauges many talents my favorites where his ability to poo when no one was looking, his ability to walk himself and his ability to love every one. We all miss you G-Dog!

CHARLIE CAPLETTE

Charlie was the red headed step child of the animal kingdom. Found behind a palate factory on the Fraser river, smelling of fish and excrement this cat had the face that only a mother could love. Adopted by Alicia Downing then later relinquished to Calvin Caplette this cat was loved and left by many and had the scabs to show it. We are not sure of the life that Chuck lived before us but I am certain it involved binge drinking, nudity and violence. Chuck was missing half an ear and had a kink in his tail that told us he could kick ass but love in his eye that told us he was misunderstood. He had a fondness for children which was convenient because they seemed to be the only people that weren’t disgusted by the scabs all over his body. Chuck, you were a great cat, and smelliest cat I ever met. There are no scabs in heaven little buddy!

SASSY CAPLETTE

Sassy was the runt of the litter at a house I babysat at when I was 18 years old. I found her in the dryer and made the executive decision that I was meant to have her or that little boy might kill her. She was always a bit strange, sleek, and quick like a panther. She only liked certain people, never pooed inside and was a voracious hunter. She left mouse kidneys in my shoes and squirrel tails on my bed. Her favorite game was catch and release where she would bring me live animals like shrews and birds and release them in my room to show her love. Like many a shitty teen pet owner I left her at my parents house when I decided I needed to find my destiny and live at a ski hill in staff housing. She never truly forgave me. Though she hasn’t been seen for over a month and is almost 12 years old now part of me believes shes out there hunting and just forgot to call home. You were the prettiest kitty ever Sassymafrass! I hope you are still fighting the good fight!


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